Setbacks

Yesterday I had a setback in my recovery. I spent all day nauseated and throwing up. So, I called my Dr. office. who wanted to see me right away. I was grateful I didn't have to go to the E.R. I was given something strong to stop the nausea that was causing the throwing up along with IV fluid. The medicine given made me sleep. I slept all night Wednesday and most of today.

Feeling better. Grateful for meds.

Sing Street

(image source) 

Oh, my gosh this movie rocks. The storyline is awesome. It takes place in Dublin in the 80's. Messed up boy meets messed up girl....he creates a boy band to get the girl. He thinks she is a model. She really isn't a model. I don't want to ruin it for you. In case you decided to watch it. Overall it could be labeled as coming of age movie. The hair, the makeup, the clothes, and the music throughout this movie are totally authentic. Jean jumpers, jackets and hair. The hair is just as I remember doing mine. Teased and sprayed to stay. I love it. Would watch it again. Special shout out to my girlie, Annika for recommending it. It's on Netflix. 

Celebration

Oh, Happy Day! My drains are out. Those things are very uncomfy. It felt strange having them pulled out. Not painful. Just weird. Still restricted for another week. Praying that at next weeks appointment I get some exercises to help strengthen my arms. For now, I am simply happy to have the drains out. Permission to start moving my arms around and the best thing of all I can lay flat. No more sleeping sitting up.

Reminder

Today has been a wonderful day. I got a beautiful reminder. 

Heavenly Father loves me. Want to know how I know this? Of course, you do. It’s in the actions of my friends and family. It’s the recliner that I sit each day that feels like a warm hug from my brother and sisters because they bought for me. It’s the phone call on Saturday evening from my childhood bestie. It lifted my spirits. Its the daily messages from another dear friend. It's the support from friends who have walked in my shoes. Along with the wonderful visit this evening with new friends from church who dropped by with cookies. They just wanted to make sure I was doing alright. Then there are all the messages that I get on Facebook encouraging me to fight through the depression that having cancer bring. It’s the rain washing away the rough yesterdays. 

This I know for sure Heavenly Father/God loves me. 

Sounds of a Good Day!

I awoke to the sound of rain. It was such a peaceful moment.  It caused me to feel hopeful. Right now, I need lots of hope. I started to quickly take note of my body. No pain. First time to wake up without pain. I didn’t dare move. I lay blissfully taking a moment to enjoy being pain-free while listening to the soft sounds of the rain. 

Today I enjoyed the sounds of my girls baking cupcakes that came with rules. Yep, rules. Becca proudly made a list which included stuff like Brad must spend time with mom. Chris and mom will help me finish my FASFA. There was something for everyone. I loved it. Brad did spend time with me simply hanging out. We watched the movie R.M. Chris and I helped her finish up the FASFA stuff. The cupcakes were very yummy. I might have eaten 2 of them. 

Chris and I had fun too today watching the movie Singles Ward. Something I hadn’t seen in quite some time.  That movie makes me laugh. Laughing right now is hard to do because it hurts. If anyone knows Chris and I we love laughing together. The kids tell us all the time that we laugh so loud that it fills the whole house. They can hear us in the evening when all have retired to our rooms laughing. I forgot how good it feels to laugh. It feels healing. I am so glad we had some time to just relax together and laugh. For a few moments, I forgot that I had cancer. 

Such a good day! 

Melt Down Here

Giving up my independence is hard. It sucks. I can't do anything without help. Unless it's using the remote control from my chair. 

I have become what I haven't wanted to become, unfun. Irritated. Sad. All the depressing words. The happy, smile no matter what the situation for there is hope to be had is broken down right now. 

Instead of feeling grateful for the drain tubes helping me not swell up I despise them. I carry them in a pouch in front of me. The swishing of fluid can be heard as I now shuffle as losing the ability to use my feet takes over.  They are numb. Standing and going to work helped me with this battle. Now, since the surgery, I don't stand as much or walk hardly at all....losing my ability to lift my feet to walk. 

I am whiny. I can't seem to come out of this mild depression that has set in. The hot/cold flashes aren't helping either. Chocolate won't fix this. 

Last night I argued with Chris. Ex's have their demands. Children have their needs. Chris and I were left arguing over one particular child. This won't be the last time we argue this child. We argue often about this one child. I am not sure what kind of resolution there is.  

Then First thing this morning, complete crying meltdown over the fact that I needed help getting food. I didn't want to have to ask. I hate asking for help. Dang, it! Now I am being Humbled. 

Now this afternoon. I am still feeling the same way. Negativity festering here. Not sure I have the strength to battle right now. giving in to it....tired. Medication. Sleep. No more thinking. 

Medicine, Food, and Deep Sleep. 

Tomorrow is a new day. 

Maybe I can find the boxing gloves to put on and fight the fight. 

Sick Feeling

A week ago today I could hardly wait to get home from the hospital.  Now, I am ready to get out. A small walk will be nice. Not far either.

Today I have felt kind of sick off and on all day.  Nauseated. No nap happened. Did discover Hallmark movies on youtube thanks to a dear friend suggesting them.

Hot/Cold. I am constantly battling hot flashes that time will have me sweating all over. Dripping. Then I finally start to feel cool to the point of feeling cold. Menopause heightened due to chemo and surgery? That's a must ask question when I go on Monday for my follow up. Hopefully, I can get my drains removed. They are itchy. My skin feels dry. ( hot flashing right now)

Tired.